This Week In Soapland: 28 July - 3 August

After two months missing, Ian Beale resurfaces with one of Columbo's cast-off raincoats and a beard worthy of Catweazle. Since his mental health nosedived, E20's premier businessman has been dossing in an underpass (presumably box and cox with Emmerdale's Ashley). But can he be convinced to head home? Perhaps not washing at all is preferable to a bog wash from Phil.

Emmerdale

Ever since Alex moved in with Moira, he's been finding it hard to keep his shirt on. Any chance to walk around the kitchen semi-starkers and he'll take it. So no prizes for guessing what happens when he spills a pint over himself during a night out at the Wooly. Victoria's dander will be up when she discovers how intimate it's getting down on Butler's farm.

Coronation Street

At one time, you couldn't throw a barm cake the length of the street without hitting at least three women that Steve had slept with. But he's been cutting a lonely figure since Becky bolted in a flash of velour. Can former squeeze Michelle put some pep into his step? Well, only if she can first work out how Ryan's managed to turn from a mophead to a cokehead.