Soap Spoilers! The week ahead in EastEnders, Corrie and Emmerdale...

Certain professions are held in particularly low esteem in Walford. "The old bill" is frowned upon, but even worse are the officious authority figures from "the social" who can swoop at any time and take your children away. Lola is the one currently fearing that her parenting isn’t up to scratch, so let’s hope she doesn’t take any advice from Phil - especially after Sharon bans him from looking after Dennis for fear he’s a bad influence.

Coronation Street

Most new mums feel as if they’re losing their grip on sanity, but Kirsty can’t blame sleep deprivation for her behaviour. She was just as crazy before giving birth. Now, after chucking a rattle at Ty’s head, she blackmails him into staying with her. Also getting carried away (though in a far more benign way) is Mary, who’s waving her maracas in everyone’s face. There’s a Spanish night at the café and it’s hard to avoid the hype. Even Balaclava Terrace has been flyposted!

Emmerdale

You have to admit that blackmailing an ex-girlfriend for £30,000 is an odd strategy for winning her back. But then it’s Carl and Chas we’re talking about, a couple whose past relationship was built on revenge, duplicity and humiliation. For these two, extortion is about as romantic as it gets. Yet Chas isn’t the only one in the village on the back foot this week: just check out Marlon’s slack-jawed expression after a gobby Gabby accuses him of hitting her.