Quartet, Heaven Knows Mr Allison, The Simpsons Movie, Twilight, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane: films on TV today

My word, there’s life in the old dogs (if they’ll pardon the word) yet. This was adapted by 78-year-old Ronald Harwood from his own play, marked the directorial debut of 75-year-old Dustin Hoffman and featured such glorious veterans as Maggie Smith, Tom Courtenay and Michael Gambon. A retirement home for old musicians is threatened with closure unless its annual concert can raise a lot of money. To ensure that, they need to reassemble the quartet that once recorded a legendary version of Rigoletto. Three of them — Courtenay, Billy Connolly and Pauline Collins — are already resident; the fourth, Smith, arrives unexpectedly, but she and Courtenay had divorced bitterly and she’s averse to singing with him again. It’s funny, beautifully played and nicely directed.

Heaven Knows, Mr Allison ★★★★
11.20am-1.25pm More4

A Catholic nun and a US marine are stranded together on a desert island – sounds like the start of a saucy gag. But, with Deborah Kerr and Robert Mitchum in the frame, this love story is in a different class.

The Simpsons Movie ★★★★
7.15-9.00pm Film4

In this feature-length outing for the cartoon family, Homer causes an environmental disaster. All together, now: "Spider-pig, spider-pig, does whatever a spider-pig does."

Twilight ★★★
7.35-10.00pm E4

This vampire teen flick is where it all began for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. There's some blood and a lot of tears.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane ★★★
10.45pm-12.35am Horror Channel

Amber Heard, aka Mrs Johnny Depp, is the subject of schoolboy fantasies — some of which involve murder. Good, unclean fun.

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